Glad Not to be Included

The office order for the 3rd interim audit of the United Nations' Food and Agriculture Organization was out and I am happy to learn that 6 of my batchmates will be deployed this November. Where will they be going? One will be off to the headquarters in Rome, while the other 5 will be going to the different decentralized offices - 1 in Pakistan, 2 in Kenya and 2 in Chile. 

Am I included among those who will be first deployed? Of course not! Considering my poor performance during the training, it would be a miracle if I get included in the first deployment. Do I feel disappointed that I am not included? Again, of course not! I know myself very well and I know how I performed during the 2 weeks training. In fact, I am so relieved that I was not part of any of the audit teams that will be deployed and I am praying that I will not get deployed anytime soon. 

It was my fault that I allowed all those negative vibes to get to into my system and affect my performance during the training. It was difficult enough to learn everything that was taught in a matter of two weeks without the added emotional stress. Anyways, I am just glad that I was not included because I am so unprepared with the demands of international work. Because of what happened during the training, I really have a lot of reading and catching up to do. 

I have also said that I do not wish to get deployed anytime soon and hopeful not for another year. Well, I need at least a year to prepare myself with the technical know-how and to regain my confidence. Honestly, I do not wish to repeat the same mistake again and I do not want to get caught unprepared. I want to see myself in the "battle field" armed and prepared.

This is now my challenge to myself, to be out there - in God's perfect time - prepared physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually, and equipped with the required technical know-how. My aim is to show to everyone who made me feel bad that I deserve to be there and I have the right to be there.

I am not being proud or arrogant or anything like that...this is just me trying to rise after a fall...